… talk.
There is only one thing that gets people excited about doing anything; it’s their self-interest–what’s in it for them. So, if you want to get people excited about going the extra mile for you over and over again, all you have to do is figure out their self-interest and connect it with yours. This may seem a little tricky at first, but it’s really easy once you get the hang of it. So, for the next several weeks, this section of my Weekly Reminder will show you how to do this. In no time at all, you’ll become an expert and have those around you truly excited about going the extra mile for you.
Appropriate Solutions Yield Amazing Results
Not long ago, I ran into a friend who told me that the high school principal had just called her to say he was sending her teenage son home because of a behavioral problem.
Although it was probably none of my business, I asked her how she planned to deal with the situation. She told me she planned to sit down at the kitchen table that evening with her husband and her son and they were going to work out a solution to the problem once and for all. Then she asked me what I thought. I told her that it was my assessment that her son more likely needed some positive attention from his mom and dad rather than a lecture.
At first this woman became rather defensive at the notion that she and her husband didn’t give their son enough positive attention. I then asked if she ever visited her son in his room. She responded that she did so at least a half-dozen times a week. I asked if most of the visits were pleasant and relaxed, or confrontational in nature– “your room’s a mess, your report card is awful and your study habits are terrible.”
She quickly admitted that almost all her visits to her son’s room were confrontational. I pointed out that if this were the case, her son didn’t even like it when she entered his room because he knew it would be an unpleasant experience. She then asked me what she should do. I suggested she and her husband each spend fifteen minutes alone with their son every night for the following two weeks, talking about whatever their son wanted to talk about, without hassling him about anything. I also asked them not to bring up the school problem until after these two weeks were over. In addition, I asked them to go out of their way on a couple of occasions to make their son feel special.
Ten days later, I ran into this woman again. She told me that both she and her husband had done exactly what I had recommended. She did admit, however, it had taken her a few evenings to get used to going into her son’s room and not hassling him. They also had gone out of their way to make him feel special by taking him to an electronics show that he was very interested in. She went on to say that as a result of all this, the problem at school had taken care of itself. It was never even brought up. She also told me that on the previous day, her son had come home from school and said to her, “Guess what happened in school today, Mom?” She said that he hadn’t said anything like that since the first grade!
What this story illustrates is that amazing results can be achieved when you apply an appropriate solution to the true problem.
Review:
- What was the mother’s self-interest? Answer: Resolving her son’s behavior problem as school.
- Who stood between her and success or failure? Answer: Her son.
- What was her son’s self-interest? Answer: Getting some positive attention from his parents.
- What was her plan to connect her self-interest with her son’s? Answer: She and her husband focused on giving her son the positive attention he was looking for and the problem took care of itself.
This technique can be used to get other people excited about going the extra mile for you in all sorts of situations. All you have to do is figure out the self-interest of the people who stand between you and success or failure and connect it with yours. As you will see, this method is really simple, but the results can be really extraordinary. Next week, we’ll look at a different example.
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