The above is a quote from Mother Teresa. What it means is that when someone is emotionally down, or at their wits end, the last thing they need is advice or criticism—a lecture, if you will. Instead, they need a hug—comfort, support, and understanding from someone who cares. For example, I was watching my son when he was very young. He had been crying for quite a while and I didn’t know how to deal with this. Just then a colleague of mine stopped by who was a nonparent and an expert in psychology. The doorbell distracted my son, and he temporarily stopped crying. When my son resumed his crying, I reached down to pick him up. At this point, my colleague smugly said, “You know that by picking him up, you’re just reinforcing the crying.” He offered criticism and advice when I needed a hug, and it made me feel inadequate and depressed. It also made me feel angry because as a nonparent, he was in no position to give advice. So, be that person who cares by listening, showing empathy and letting them know that you are their friend. This will give them the confidence, courage, and determination they need to get through their difficult time, and it will greatly strengthen your friendship.
One Sentence Wisdom
- “Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” — Theodore Roosevelt
- “I follow three rules: Do the right thing, do the best you can, and always show people you care.” — Lou Holtz
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Hi Ross, I always love your regular email distributions a story and a couple quotes. Keep them coming and thanks for all you do. After reading the above story, there’s just one thing that I’d add is that social media has had a negative impact on reducing how much people actually talk to others face-to-face and pick up the phone to make a call (rather than text message). Everyone needs to actually try to be direct and communicate ideally face-to-face when there are concerns. This is important because to not do so means that there are often miss-understandings, miss-givings and offence taken when none was intended. So, the next time that one needs to be listened to, ask politely “do you want me to listen, comfort or offer advice?” And if offended, please anyone reading this actually communicate to remedy it (rather than just be quietly offended).